Sunday, February 21, 2010

Catch the Spirit!

By: Marc Warzecha

There's a regional airline called "Spirit" that I hope you never have a chance to fly.

Spirit puts the low in low-budget.

The tickets are cheap, and service is lousy. The seats are horribly small and uncomfortable, the planes are overcrowded.

The employees are miserable.

Sort of like the gamblers in Downtown Vegas who are no longer allowed in the nice casinos on the Strip, some ugly shit had to go down in the careers of these flight attendants for them to even be working this evil little airline. They know this. And they are taking it out on you.

One time, years ago, some co-workers and I were booked by our company to fly the red-eye from LAX to Detroit Metro. (Spirit flys this route round-trip, once daily.) When we arrived at the gate, we were told that there was a five hour delay, meaning we'd be sitting in LAX until 5:30am before we even boarded. Upon asking why, the Customer Service Representative simply told us that the Spirit flight was delayed in Detroit because the "plane was broken."

That's what she really said. The plane was broken. But now it's okay or whatever, and they are on their way to pick us up. In that plane. The one that had been, you know, "broken" just a minute ago.

I used to know a guy that owned a comedy club in Michigan. He was a wacky guy, and not the sort that I would trust my wallet with. He claimed to be a part time pilot, but I never believed him.

Until the time I got on a Spirit airlines flight back home for Christmas and that goofy motherfucker was flying the plane.

Catch the Spirit! (That's their exciting slogan.)

People ofter complain about the low-budgetness of Southwest Airlines. But after catching the Spirit just once, anyone who has ever hated on SWA will fall to their knees and be thankful for those non-seat assigning, khaki wearing, comedy flight attendant having, low-budget-Gods-of-the-sky.

Anyway, Spirit was in the news last week because some guy claimed that Spirit threw him and his family - including his pregnant wife - off a flight because they asked for water. Even though that doesn't seem like sufficient reason any airline to eject anyone, the brain-dead media ran with it as if it made sense.

This naturally prompted Spirit to release a response, and explain what really happened. No bits, this is from their real press release:

-Spirit did not deny water to anyone. Beverages were offered for purchase just as we do on all of our flights.

-The real story is that Dr. Roslin was escorted off the flight for violating federal law for interfering with a flight crew.

-He was causing a disturbance and attempted to incite other passengers to the point that another passenger started to cry in fear as a result of his behavior.

-He made verbal references to terrorism.

-His continued disturbance caused further delays to the flight.

-His escalating behavior was a safety risk to the crew and other passengers.

-His son kicked a Spirit employee in the groin.

-He had to be removed from the aircraft by law enforcement.
And so I say thank you, Dr. Roslin. You and your Spirit ball-kicking kid.

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