Friday, March 5, 2010

My Name Is Granny

My nickname in high school was Granny, and apparently it’s my most fitting nickname because I’m feeling more and more like a grandmother lately.

Especially when I watch videos like this one about a Grandma commenting on Jersey Shore:

I, like the grandmother in this video, am appalled by the human trash on Jersey Shore. In fact, ever since Jersey Shore began airing, I’ve been lamenting the state of America. As a society, we’re at a point where we really can’t fall a single peg lower in human degradation on television. It’s been especially bothersome to me because I’ve been on a roll reading books about pioneer life lately. I know, dork alert! I loved the “Little House” books when I was little, and as an adult, I find that reading books like “Blue Stem” and “Pioneer Woman” has me marveling at how lucky I am to live in a time with indoor plumbing and heating and cooling systems. Not to mention refrigerators. And mattresses!

I read a story about a woman giving birth, totally alone, on the dirt floor of her sod cabin in Kansas. Her husband had gone out to get groceries – which was a two-day affair, walking over 12 miles each way to the one grocery store in Salina. While he was gone, she went into labor. So she delivered by herself, on the floor, cut her own cord, everything. She fainted four times during the process. No one was there to cheer her on, to examine how dilated she was, to give her an epidural! To catch the baby! And yet she persevered.

And then there was the guy who got third-degree burns trying to save his crops during a prairie fire. And the man who went out on an errand without a coat, lost his way and froze to death during a flash blizzard, leaving behind a wife and three young children.

These extraordinary people lived excruciatingly difficult lives to create a better future for their children.

And how do their progeny pay them back? We take steamy, pungent, colossal shits on them. Not a one of them would have come to this country if they knew the path they were on would lead to the human stain that is Jersey Shore.

Snooki, JWoww, The Situation, and all the rest of the cast: you are whores. Pigs. Bum shit on a sidewalk. It's really a shame your ancestors didn't die on the way over.

-- Granny (aka Megan Grano)

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