Tuesday, August 24, 2010


The Writing 1 Students at The Second City Hollywood Present...

The Top 10 Reasons to Visit Hollywood Blvd at Night

10. You can buy your Mom that "Best Mom in the Whole Wide World Oscar statuette she's always been dreaming of.

9. See what its like to be stuck in traffic at 3am.

8. Fanny packs make spotting and robbing tourist a breeze.

7. After 7pm, parking meters dispense breath mints and condoms.

6. At night, the homeless transform into Andy Dick's entourage.

5. Pot luck hookers.

4. You can get a tattoo with 100% guarantee of hepatitis.

3. The streets are covered in fresh urine, not day old.

2. It's the only place you can see a tranny get in a fight with SpongeBob.

1. Scientology never sleeps.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

New US Quarters!

By Writing 2, Saturdays 3pm - 6:30pm

These new US quarters have just been approved by the U.S. Mint.

Each quarter will have a new State image and Slogan:

(Rey Gonzalez's suggestions)

Pennsylvania - Lots of Quakers all over the back. "Not a lot of oatmeal, surprisingly."

California - Red Hot Chili Peppers on the back. "Don't forget this state exists. Ever."

Illinois - Blagojevich smiling on the back. "Our business is politics. Business is good."

Iowa - "Idaho"

West Virginia - John Denver on the back.

Indiana - Lots of white people. The coin weighs 350 pounds.

Mississippi - Dixie Flag on the back. "State name with most efficient use of four letters."

(Nicholas Dossman's suggestions)

North Dakota
Image: A guy shrugging
Text saying: North of South Dakota?

Image: Guy eats a peach.
Text saying: Tastes just like my sister.

Image: Disgruntled women sharing coffee.
Text: The farthest most bestest place to send your ex-girlfriends.

Monday, August 9, 2010

"This is Your Life"

By Andrew Bukstein
Writing 1
Friday 11am - 2:30pm

Here is a piece I wrote in class today. It was a monologue for the game-show, "This is Your Life." Today's contestant is Tyler Kennedy - and the Mystery Guest is his 'escaped pet bird', speaking from behind a screen, revealing only a silhouette of the bird in his cage.


Chirp chirp chirp, tweet tweet. Those were the only 2 English words I knew. Until one fateful day - July 29th 1939. The War was raging in Europe. America was still waiting. Just like I was peacefully waiting in my cage. Hanging upside-down like David Carradine, when suddenly I saw Tyler Kennedy walk through "Peter's Pretty Pet Shop". He wanted a friend, he wanted a canary; he wanted me. And for only seventeen cents, he took me and my home into HIS home; OUR home. Tyler used to love it when I would perch on his round and stubby finger. I was so happy perching that I would burst into song, (tweet tweet tweet!) We shared a lovely life together for eleven years, six months and fifteen days. Then one day, Tyler came home with a small grey kitten. I took one look into the kitten's lightening-green eyes and knew that if I was to stay, surely this creature would be my demise. Heart-broken but fearing for my life, I packed what I could fit of my things in to my little red suitcase and flew away to Mexico that night. I never forgot Tyler and always hoped that the kitten would leave so I could return...

I'm sorry, I am just so overwhelmed by emotions right now...

He taught me how to talk - he taught me to love and for that I will always be grateful.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


The Second City's Hollywood Writing 2 Class (Saturday 3 - 6:30pm) presents...

Results of the 2010 Census

41% of adults reported seeing a UFO last year, 69% of adults reported fucking with their neighbors at night.

16% of the US population identified their racial heritage as "other" on the Census form. We now know the aliens have arrived.

6% of the population likes Cheetos.

15% of people are unemployed. 90% of the unemployed blame Obama. The other 10% also blame Obama.

Two out of three ain't bad.

.1% of men who enter a gentleman's club are gentlemen.

70% of people live in houses. 26% of people live in apartments. 100% of people whose favorite movie is Avatar, live in a home.

87% of angry voice mails in America are left by Mel Gibson and Alec Baldwin.

CBS is 92% CSI

Nobody eats at Quizno's anymore.


Second City Hollywood's Writing 1 Class (Writing 11 - 2:30pm) presents:

Top 10 Reasons for the Gulf Oil Spill

10. Bubba Gump hates competition

9. The pelicans did it.

8. The man drilling watches too much Jersey Shore and wanted to be the next "Situation".

7. Needed to get rid of those pesky mermaids once and for all.

6. Children in the gulf coast love deformities.

5. Seals botched a fur dying attempt.

4. The US was jealous of the Nigerian oil spill disaster that has been raging for what...20 years?

3. God thought it would be a good opening for the end of days.

2. Obama doesn't care about whitefish.

And the number one reason for the Gulf Oil Spill...

1. BP = Bad planning